For two years now I’ve been writing about my traumatic divorce and the healing journey it thrusted me into. I’ve needed to tell you about it, and some of you have needed to hear it.
I haven’t tried to hide my pain. I opted out of the epidural for both of my births. Why do it any differently through divorce?
It may have been awkward and unfiltered—too much for some and not enough for others. But it’s been real, and I’m proud. My life has transformed. It’s pretty safe to say I’m in the post-labor endorphin high that ushers in new life for those who choose to feel their way into it.
Today I have a new story to tell. At its heart, it’s a love story, but a different kind than people are used to hearing. I’m learning how to love myself, and, even better, I’m not having to do it alone.
My partner and I are renovating a house near the beach with a move-in date at the end of this month. Our weekends alternate between raising our now 5 and 7 year old boys and sending them to spend time with their dad and step mom while we acro yoga, surf, mountain bike, and travel. My oldest son’s developmental delays seem to have been solved, and I’m writing full-time for myself.
Getting here has been half grit and half grace. When I finally woke up and loved myself enough to stop inviting betrayal into my life, the universe inserted a trustworthy partner into my path. He loves me in a way I’m still learning to do for myself, and he’s the first to say that he’s every bit as lucky to have me in his life as I am to have him.
This is the first year that I can remember not wanting to torch the last year and fly into the next. For so long I kept believing in the good things to come, and finally, the good is here.
Life feels every bit as fairytale-ish as it sounds, but I will not go quietly into my new beginning. Letting go for me means releasing my story into the world. It’s meant to help bring the good closer for the people who are still hurting and desperate for love. (If you’re one of those people, I have a new support group here.)
I spent the last three months of 2018 completing the first draft of my full-length memoir. I’m wasting no time digging into my 2019 goals, which include publication. I know there are people out there who follow my writing silently. Some of you wait and tell me in real life. Thank you to all of the eyes that follow my words and for your support as I write my way through what’s next!
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