The One Thing You Must Know to Move Forward

We all have this one thing that informs the whole way we live our lives. Here’s how to find and use your one thing to propel you forward on your healing journey.

The One Thing You Must Know to Move Forward

What if I told you that there’s this one thing you must know? This one thing is the key to unlocking all your self-sabotaging patterns.

When you become aware of the one thing, you’ll finally see the next steps to move forward in your relationships, your career, your parenting, and everything else that’s important to you.

There’s no way I can tell what your one thing is—only you know that. But if you have the patience to read about my thing, there’s a very good chance that by the end, your thing will be staring you in the face plain as day.

My Thing

The first time I became aware of my one thing, it was this: I was stuck on survival mode. I was making default choices based on what was available and convenient. I sent my kids to a daycare and preschool that had openings and was affordable. I filled the empty space left by the loss of my life partner with anyone who was available to give me love and attention. I continued a job that was no longer rewarding because I could do it on autopilot, and it allowed me to feel like I could pay the bills in case the monthly support check stopped coming one day.

When you know better, you do better. So when I became aware, I let go of the things that no longer served me.

Then I adopted a new one thing: I started living, but I was living from my wounds. I began pursuing what I really want, but I still held back—I didn’t trust. I took a chance on a man who made me feel again, but I spent most of the relationship expecting it to turn out as painfully as my marriage instead of trusting myself to see the truth this time. I was passionate about my writing, but I didn’t yet believe it could turn into a viable career path. My financial needs were met, but not a day went by that I didn’t consider bailing to the nearest attainable minimum wage job before my dreams had a chance to move forward and materialize.

Here’s The Thing

In the words of spiritual life coach Nicole Oman: “How we do one thing is how we do everything. One wound can touch everything…and so can one healing.”

Use The Thing to Move Forward

How do you operate from a place of healing instead of from your wounds? Here’s where my work was as I moved forward.

1. Stop viewing trust through a black and white lens. You don’t have to just trust or not trust someone all at once. People aren’t all good or all bad. You can trust a person’s motives, intention, and commitment. If nothing else, trust the connection. (Hat tip to Rev Zenkai Taiun Michael Ellison for this insight.)

2. Operate with a functional heart. Where do you need boundaries, and where do you need love? Find your balance. Don’t be wide open. Don’t isolate yourself. Be functional. (Hat tip to Nicole Oman for this guidance.)

3. Come to terms with trauma. If you’re operating from your wounds, chances are you’ve experienced some type of trauma in your past. Have you acknowledged that you experienced trauma? There are real, concrete ways to work with it.

What’s your one thing? How are you living life, and what are you going to do about that?

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  1. Ashley says:

    This one resonates with me. I’m reading Brene Browns Daring Greatly and it talks about how to break a cycle
    when you want relationships to change(setting boundaries), how to respond to someone with love and vulnerability instead of defensively ,setting an intention to change the cycle and differentiation between who deserves your time and who doesn’t. This is such a powerful skill when it comes to staying in integrity with myself and others. It’s something I have to work really hard at but when I do the work it’s always worth it.

    • Melissa says:

      Thank you, Ashley! Daring Greatly happens to be on my living room end table waiting to be read. I have been learning a lot about boundaries and ending cycles as well. And to top it all off, a healer I work with recently recommended that I start reading Byron Katie, whose big thing is called simply “The Work.” I will have to read more of Brene Brown, too!

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